I guess Los Angeles Fashion Week is a pretty big deal. It sets the tone for what you’ll be buying at H &M and Target in a few months. A few months after that, it creates the horror  you feel when you see what you bought H&M and Target because it looked like something at L.A. Fashion Week.  Yikes, those super high waisted pants. Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Regardless of how long these trends will last, you’ll probably see tons of girls in these up-to-the-minute fashions drinking coffee and artfully scrunching their faces and positioning their legs at your local coffee shop. They might already be there. Beware. But don’t let those bitches show you up! Go out there and get some trendy threads of your own with this handy guide. 

Electro-Bright colors.  Pull out your old neon dance leotard and you’ll be sporting the latest trend.  Neon pinks, yellows, blues and greens are in this summer, but if you don’t want to look like you’re six years old again, put a dark jacket and minimal jewelry on top.  

High contrast colors.  Color blocking means putting large swaths of one color—usually black—on top of another swath of either a color or white.  That’s in, along with lots of red pieces and clothing wit black-and-white patterns.

Neon animal print.  A more nature-specific and growly version of the already childlike neon trend. Get a t-shirt with pink leopard print and black-rimmed neon spots or a green-and-black zebra printed pair of leggings.   

Plaid. Yeah! Already got it and so does everyone I’m sitting around right now in Seattle.  I guess we are the real trend setters; not you, L.A.  

Desperado.  You probably don’t want to try most of these fashions until fall unless you want to die of heat stroke, but this look includes Zorro-like hats, Navajo-inspired ponchos and pheasant feather dresses.  Some designers also have Navajo style wrap shirtwaists, a throwback piece to be sure, so it can’t hurt looking around for one actually from the ‘70s at the local thrift store.  

Pleather/leather shorts.  I don’t know about you, but I think when an item of clothing makes little droplets of sweat run down your thighs, it really can’t look that good on you.  These shorts come with little embroidery pockets, making them look like mom took her leather coaster (she’s funky, okay?) and made you some bottoms.  

Wild high-heeled shoes.  Floral and wooden chunky heels.  Tall, leopard print Lady Gaga boots. Mesh stilettos.  If you can’t get away from a pack of cheetahs--or at least a pack of children--you probably should probably buy more practical footwear.  Did you know that women distribute more than four times their body weights to their toes when they wear shoes with heels over four inches?  At least with this season’s “wild” prints, you will be presumed to be the antichrist of sensibility.  

British invasion.  Who even knows what is British anymore?  But I guess that’s what they’re calling the summer trend which includes rock concert tees, cutoff jean shorts and army fatigues all topped off with an incongruous strand of pearls.  Maybe the pearls are so you’ll look fancy enough to meet the Queen.