Glad to Have Met, Sad to Leave – Day 5 in Arkansas

We wake up at 6am to shower and pack and are out of the hotel by 9am for our flight that leaves at 1pm?. I was hoping we could see McKinley one last time, but no. Once we arrive at Little Rock Airport, we return our rental car and find out that yes, we could have put the rental car on hold with my dad’s debit card, versus my brother’s visa card (STUPID lady – we were telling you that all along!).

We find our gate, sit down and relax. Not longer than five minutes of sitting down, my dad gets a phone call. His voice sounds upset. My uncle, my dad’s brother had just informed him that his daughter, my cousin who is ten years younger than me, just committed suicide, OD’d on her depression meds. The ironic part is that my uncle and his daughter were going to come with us to Arkansas, but last minute my uncle pulled out, not wanting to waste his vacation days, although his daughter really wanted to go and it happened to fall on her birthday weekend. Raven, as all her friends called her, had just spend the weekend with her dad, cycling, and having a blast (normally if not exercising, they would go to concerts, etc). Raven did not want to go home, because she did not want to go to the birthday party that her mom was throwing her. I believe her mom had found her, pill bottle open, and all the pills gone. She planned it. Her Myspace, (although most of the time had blogs about her depressed and suicidal, mixed in with happy school blogs) there was a blog stating she loves everyone and this is her last goodbye and that she will be 17² forever (she had just turned 17 and tried to commit suicide on her actual day of birth, but it ended up going into 12:30am the following day). This was my uncles only child, he was devastated. The world has truly lost someone special, Raven – you were smart, beautiful, talented, witty and loved. It is funny what goes through your mind when someone around you dies… you try and think of what you or someone else could have done to save them, or why they were even in that situation to begin with.

We get on our flight home, half way through our first flight (2 into the 4 hour flight), my brother lets out some gas (I knew this was coming, he ate chili last night). I look over to him out of the corner of my eye, he sees me and he starts laughing, hard. My dad catches on to why my brother is laughing and to why I’m glaring at my brother, and my dad starts going off on my brother about how inappropriate that is, etc. My brother tries to tell my dad, hey- it happens, we’re human, that’s what we do, but my dad doesn’t go for it. I’m sitting in the middle; my dad is sitting by the window and my brother by the isle… I feel extremely uncomfortable in between the two of them fighting. They finally start arguing just in time for the flight to land, now we have an hour and a half layover in Vegas.

As soon as we are off the plan, my brother ditches my dad and I, we do not see him until the second flight home. While in the airport waiting to board, I ask my dad why he was so harsh on my brother³. My dad and my brother both believe they were in the right, and neither apologizes to one another. My brother makes it just in time to board our second flight. He refuses to sit next to my dad. He chooses seats that are closer to the front of the plane; my dad chose a seat closer to the middle… I’m torn. I choose my brother, since I know my dad will forgive me and my brother really needs a listening ear right now. My brother explains to me why my dad is acting crazy and insincere. I have to side with my brother, but I also understand where my dad is coming from. I hate family fights… my dad and I were just in one a few months back, and my brother and mom helped me through it.

We get off the plane and take a taxi home. When we get to the house, my brother grabs the rest of his stuff, gives me a hug goodbye and heads back to Eastern Washington, I’m bummed. My dad then grabs his bag and heads to his ex-girlfriends house. I am left alone in peace, trying to replay what happened on the flight home (including Raven’s death, and the argument between father and son, which honestly made no sense to me… hello, uncle just lost his daughter and you two idiots are fighting?!). I go through all my pictures, remember how much I really enjoyed McKinley’s company, throw a load of laundry in the wash and call it a night.

?Remember, my dad is anal about getting to the airport on time.
²I wonder how many other teenagers committed suicide to the thoughts of Twilight and staying 17 forever?
³My dad has an occasional anger issue, and yet, so does my brother…